Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm

Hello and welcome back to Raped 25 Years. At this time, I invite you to take a short walk with me, through my journey of healing from sexual abuse and sexual assault. Don’t forget to stay to the end, in order to enjoy my gem of positivity.

My reason for writing this blog, is to share with you my life as a sexually brutalised survivor. However, I am struggling at the moment. From now until March next year, I will be wrestling with many of my past demons. And so it comes to my annual problem.

Because of my “anniversaries”, I find a significant drop in my enthusiasm for things that I would otherwise find less difficult. Such as sharing my journey to heal with you. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I will be continuing to share with you the history of where I’ve been and how I’m learning and I want you the reader to be aware.

I still struggle, particularly when it comes to keeping up enthusiasm. Because I don’t necessarily enjoy the facing of my demons. It has been getting harder and harder to share with you, the reader, each week parts of my life. It’s a struggle when losing enthusiasm for things you know will help to reclaim your life. The horrors of the damaging effects from the abuse and assaults saps the energy, and so the enthusiasm, for life. 

That doesn’t mean that the enthusiasm is gone forever, as in my case. It simply means that the parts of my journey of healing that I share with you, may seem a little less helpful in your own journey.

I am already wallowing in the cesspool of my memories. The constant nightmares and daily flashbacks are too real to me for now. So although I am having a dip in my enthusiasm to share with you the reader each week, I need to prove a point. If to no one else, I have a point to prove to me.

Life without the enthusiasm is draining, colourless, a burden. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind, that you the reader, struggle to keep your enthusiasm at times, just as I do. That doesn’t mean your journey is stopped or at an end. It is simply life’s way of letting you catch your breath.

This journey of yours and mine to heal, is a struggle. Like climbing up a steep incline, where you find yourself actually staring the path ahead in the face. You end up breathless and discouraged. In all practical terms, you lose your enthusiasm to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

The gem of positivity this time is words of wisdom from a popular book:

But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Here is the link:  https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew 7:14&version=NIV

To me, enthusiasm is not unlike this. There are times when I need to take stock. To make sure that I am still on the narrow path that will ultimately lead to me reclaiming my life. My greatest wish is that you too, will keep to your path, enthusiasm or not, to reclaim your life too.

What does lack of enthusiasm mean to you? What images does it bring to your mind? I invite you to leave a comment on your take on enthusiasm. Thank you for taking this short walk with me. And until next time, breathe - and believe.